Learn to rely on strangers
The crux of this article is to learn to rely on strangers rather than your friends. When we build something, need distribution, need reach, or just need help beyond what our friends are used to us asking of them, strangers might turn out to be way more useful than friends. Let me explain.
When I say “friends,” I am talking about the people you hang out with normally, people who are more than just acquaintances and are part of your social circle. You may rely on them for many things, but it is important to understand that they see you for the version of yourself that you show them. They may not see the full spectrum of who you are.
When you start to grow or go beyond your normal self, it may be hard for them to help with new requests. You are often friends because there is a “version match” between you and them. If you start to update your version a lot, there can be a version conflict, pun intended.
For example, let’s say you build a software tool and you ask your friends to use it within their team at their workplace. This is a high-risk request. People will be hesitant to try it out. They would not want to introduce unnecessary variables at work, and they especially would not want to risk the friendship. They will likely politely decline you.
But if your product is really good, you might find that more strangers adopt your tool than your friends. Your friends have been programmed to see this as a weird request—“I’m not sure if I want to use my friend’s tool at work.” But strangers will just see the tool for the tool because they don’t know you. If your tool has merit, strangers have a higher chance of adopting it.
Similarly, let’s say you get popular on social media. There is a very common meme that whenever you start becoming successful, your posts will get more likes from strangers rather than friends. On a platform with massive reach, you are bound to run into multiple strangers, and not everyone can be your friend. “Friends” is a complex word: these are people who have grown with you, lived their lives with you, or just know you more intimately than a stranger would.
Your friends also want to be successful. It is very true that everyone wants to be successful, and the circle you hang out with will want to be successful right alongside you. You might notice them not liking your posts or not entirely believing in the success that you are achieving. This is actually a good proxy for identifying fake friends.
But the point is that strangers have no such bias. Strangers bring no such judgment. They will really appreciate your achievement for the achievement itself. They will not try to evaluate whether launching a product or getting that achievement is “possible” coming from you. They just see the thing for the thing.
So, learn to rely on strangers more than friends.